Okay, so the fire 2 evenings ago at my old group home is now hitting me a bit. The tears are starting to flow. The sadness feels deeper and more painful.
I feel sad that the staff, who were always there to help me out are likely not going to want to talk to me for some time. They must be so busy with mess they are now dealing with. I miss the staff.
Last week Tori and Kate, who offer phone support and advocate for my care were ready to have a chat with my case-manager, Jenn. Now I feel like I should just leave them all alone and not use my old group home as my personal distress-line. Past clients are more then welcome to call as needed and the staff are like friends to me at times. Most of them at still the same as when I lived there.
I keep thinking I just want to call them up and debrief or something. They always help me through tough times. I know that this could have happened when I was living there. I never had apartment insurance. I could have lost everything! The structural damage for this fire is estimated at $150 000 and the content damage was $50 000. This of a fire contained in one room! Of course there was water damage and smoke damage likely....
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I have even been thinking how could the residents and staff watch the resident that died suffer. She must have suffered something horrible! The resident who died had 2nd and 3rd degree burns before being brought to the hospital where she died a few hours later.
How would I have handled this? How are the the residents now? Are they as torn up as I am? They must be feeling this sooo much worse! I sit here knowing that I could have been one of the residents still living there. I never planned on leaving that group home. I loved it there. I was supported by the staff. We were free to come and go as we pleased. It was a home and a lovely one at that.
Last week my outreach worker e-mailed me to invite me to 'spa day' at the group home. It was suppose to be happening in a few days. I don't know if they would even attempt it now although now is when the residents would most need it. There were all sorts of activities for the residents like that...I always politely decline invitations due to my social anxiety and now that I am in the country and transportation is an issue. It is so nice that they even invite past residents though.....
I keep thinking I should send Kate and Tori an e-mail. But what would I say? I could ask them how they are doing. Should I say I am torn up about this? No, then they would feel like they needed to help me....I will be OK...I am just going through the stages of grief over what could have been. I do that!
What I do know is I am obsessing and that I am waaaay to sensitive! I am suppose to have a counselling session today with Hayley over the phone. She was sick yesterday so I am not sure about that. I do know that what I am feeling is normal and that like everything I will get better day by day.
Things will be OK! Time does heal although situations ever change us don't they?
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