Atheism Doesn't Have To Mean Hate

While watching a repeat of “Murder By The Book” on HLN chronicling the mystery surrounding the death of Madeline O’Hare, her husband John Roth and her daughter (the story is explained in the link) http://askville.amazon.com/happened-madeline-o'hare/AnswerViewer.do?requestId=4046397).

It seems no wonder I view Atheists as haters. This woman was full of hate! But yet am wondering why there is all this hate around Atheism because the definition of an atheist is that there is not God and what you see is what you get: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Atheism and this is a pretty non spiritual perspective indeed.

Atheists, myself excluded, since I do believe in spiritual issues, that I have met are not outspoken and angry people. I find them a bit jumpy if I try to broach a spiritual topic. I wonder if that is because they don’t want me to be swept off into some cult or something and that is understandable but so far it hasn’t happened, lol…

Atheists are different then I suppose the majority of us that believe in some higher being or afterlife. Does this difference have to be a bad thing? Speaking of the O’Hare’s, I think this family, especially the outspoken Madeline just wanted to be perceived as something bigger then life. Perhaps untouchable and powerful. Maybe she felt a vulnerability where she had been hurt or mislead in the past.  If so was trying desperately to get over that in the form of power so that no one else could hurt her. Although seemingly misguided in her approach in my opinion because of my quest for understanding and not the fear and sense of wanting to intimidate others that I see from her. I mean if you have to shoot people down what must you think of yourself? Pretty low, huh?

Do any of you remember Madeline appearing on Donahue back in the day?:

She may have been on a few times. I remember her so well. When I heard she was missing or possibly murdered I was pretty surprised and almost felt sorry for her....

Sometimes I wonder if people have the 'wrong' view of crime. I mean here are some strange things I keep hearing over and over again. “Oh____couldn’t have killed so and so, he went to church” Or “She’s a good Christian” when anyone can go to a church and sit in a pew. It’s awesome if you feel a connection to the congregation and it is like your family and it brings to do good service, but people from ‘good families’ commit crimes and murder as well. Just look at all the mass killings in the states lately. Or is that a gun issue…anyways…

I haven’t been to church in a couple of years and when I do go it’s a Quaker Church here in Ottawa and there is no minister. We sit in silence but can stand up to speak if something moves us. This is my connection to people and to the divine. Even though I haven’t been in a couple of years I’m still feeling just as connected spiritually as ever. 

Do I believe in God? I don’t use that name often. But I believe in something greater then myself and this seems to be what other non God religions are based around as well.

All in all we seem to be advancing in the world through education. In proportion to how many people are in the world now our crime rates are down in many areas. News reports through every medium so it doesn’t seem like it but we seem to be doing OK, really. 

Its really important to stick with people who bring you up. Otherwise you get sucked into all that negativity which is fear (well working on this anyway ;-). Or, at least find ways to reach out, ask for help and find yourself in peace.

Sending Hugs.

Suicide Hurts The Ones You Leave Behind...

No matter the reason Tony Scott killed himself it was selfish > for him. Not thinking or empathizing how his family, his kids would feel having such a sudden and traumatic event in their lives and how powerless and lost that feeling may be for them…

I used to be called an overdose Eddy by the ER staff because I was there so much back in my 20s. I’m 38. Most of this time I felt I was in control. I just wanted a break. I took only a certain amount of pills that I had taken before etc and just before I had a seizure or blacked out I would feel a high off it.

Mom was really freaked out. Even after I got help in the form of rehab for drugs and alcohol abuse I still wanted to harm myself so I cut and swallowed stuff that could kill me. I only thought of me, my pain, me needing a break/distraction from life. How funny it was that I was ‘in control’ and still alive. I knew what I was doing and look at all the attention I was getting because I craved that so much. But I only thought of me…and my brain was so messed up in this I didn’t see what I was doing to others even though I was ‘trying to hide it’ and also somewhat ashamed.  Well, I must have hated myself to be able to have hurt myself so much…

I never came too realize that there were people all around me until a year after I quit using…or was that when I decided I could use normally? I think so, and, because I’m an addict I once again lost control…

I finally got sober nearly seven years ago, although I then turned to anorexia and that could have harmed me more then it did but I was able advocate for myself and get help, or enough to stabilize my health in the eyes of my doctor…

Now I try to eat healthy. I have good days and so good. I suck at self care but I try my best and I feel that I have a future even on my dark days. As my worker Jenn says when I’m depressed “Lisa you always look forward too tomorrow when you get another chance to feel better” and this is so true. Instead of worrying about my death I plan to live till I’m 120, ok?

I don’t know how I would feel if I still felt that powerless and lonely feeling inside; if I was still afraid to talk and tell people my inner most secrets; if I didn’t have such a wonderful support network. I don’t know. All I know is I have had an ex who committed suicide and we were ‘estranged’ and yet I still felt if I could have helped more, done more, stayed around…then maybe he would be here because it I feel the need to help  people even though I also know my boundaries and there is still so much I am scared about, but I do my best!

I need people, all people,  to understand that its ok to ask for help. Start the journey. Be creative. Laugh a ton and it doesn’t matter if you are the only one who’s laughing. Just remember a lot of people do care. You may not be aware of that but its human nature so remember that. You can’t read peoples minds (my worker keeps reminding me of that). 

You matter!