Wednesday, October 26, 2016
Kerri: Have you checked your mail?
I was thinking...is the government sending me some money today (forgetting that I get direct deposit)? Then I remembered Halloween is coming up next week and Kerri is so sweet at remembering to send me snail mail cards at many occasions while get a kick out of sending e-cards.
Me: You sent me something? Koshka (roomy's cat) is sitting on me (and I'm in the midddle of a buddhist lecture on You Tube) ....will have to wait.
Kerri: No! Go check!!! Dammit!
Ever the dramatic...
Me; LOL! She (Koshka) doesn't stay long.
Me: Also my hot chocolate is cooling down and is out of reach (hoping for sympathy)
Kerri: I'm shaking my head!
Me: She's purring
Me: She's leaving soon
As Koshka stood up, accepted more belly rubs and continued to purr.
Kerri: Not soon enough!!!
Finally I run upstairs to my apt mail slots and see if I have mail....
Me: That's so adorable!!!
I go back to my video and then come back to my phone and FB.
Me: Thank you!!!
Kerri: For what?
Me: For the card
Kerri: Yay!!! Your welcome!!!
I love my bestie, LOL!!!
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
I asked Jenn “Do you know the best way to stop a panic attack while in a store?” Jenn was like “What?” I guess it was just a trick question ie: just leave the store, right? But Jenn was trying to tell me alternative breathing techniques during a panic attack! Unfortunately other then ‘trying’ to deep breath, distract, or leave the situation during a panic attack, nothing seems to help for me.
My last therapist was able to guide me through a few helpful, self soothing exercises to help prevent a panic attack however she warned me that I am supposed to practice techniques to relax in a relatively calm state. For example each day I could make an effort to practice something self soothing so that if I get into a situation of high anxiety I can have a positive and calming focus. Once you have the techniques down pat they come more easily during an actual panic attack. So, I’ve kind of been slacking in that field but I find it hard to have a daily focus when I am mostly depressed and anxious and just want to distract with TV and social media ;-).
Sunday, August 26, 2012
Monday, August 20, 2012
Sunday, April 29, 2012
Saturday, March 10, 2012
As you know I too have bipolar disorder. Unfortunately it took my doctors till I was 28 to get this diagnosis confirmed. Incidents of psychosis for me started at 20 years of age. At that time I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. This was accurate at the time but the docs failed to realize that I was not coping because of bipolar and PTSD and other anxiety disorders. I think most people have attempted to get off their meds. We have a love hate relationship with this things right? I have tried, once, in an attempt to get manic. I am depressed mostly on my meds the only think it does is keep me from getting loopy. I wanted the happy part of mania. So, I took a friends antidepressant. Instead I ended up in the ER, brilliant right? That was the only time I tried that, lol. I did not hurt anyone. I just had a racing heart it scared me. I was living in a group home.
I worry this story makes people with bipolar disorder look like demons. That’s what I thought when I heard the scream on the video. I use to think I had a demon in my head to when I was 14. I didn’t want to say anything because I felt that mental illness was a weakness and I know some people still feel this way. Stresses often set off an episode or psychosis. We are more sensitive perhaps but on our meds we fit right into society and its genetic, its not our fault we have this...some of us are highly intelligent and able to work...I can't see this lady ever being in the air as a profession again but it will be interesting to see...
I definitely want to get to the underlying issue of why I am ‘this’ way. I am aware of the signs that I might be getting sick from my bipolar particularly the upswing/psychosis: I don't sleep, I am fidgety, can't sit still, can't stop talking, talking to myself, feeling I am one with 'God,' hearing things, feeling high and other stuff. You probably get the idea > loopy. How could the staff have missed this on the pre-flight?
Luckily I have an anti-psychotic Zyprexa that I can take as an extra med if I feel the 'signs'. This is the med the doctors always gave me in the ER when I would go when I was manic/psychotic so its great I don’t have to worry about going in again and I love it! I haven't been to the ER for any med related issue in 5 years.
I really hope this flight attendant is OK.
People its just really important to take your meds if you need them. Don’t ruin your life. Live the live you are given. Its really ok to have a mental illness but you have to take care of yourself as do we all…
What do you think?
Saturday, March 3, 2012
I was chatting with my mental health worker Jenn yesterday about how I feel numb all the time and that this had been going on as long as I can remember. Jenn said it is normal because I have had trauma starting at birth. So this numbness is not really a choice. It's like being on a really scary roller-coaster where your hands are so tight on the bar you can't unclench them without it hurting. The last thing you want is to hurt. I can function. This numbness helps me feel safe. But it’s also frustrating because sometimes I want to ‘wake-up’ and I feel I need to hide out of fear of panic attacks and anxiety I guess.