Sunday, April 29, 2012
It's OK To Matter!
Codependency…I am meeting with silence whenever I mention this topic to friends. I am feeling that people think that Codependency is something that ‘other’ people have when really I believe that most of us are codependant on some level to varying degrees…
I am pretty excited now because I just started rereading Codependent No More – How to Stop Controlling Others And Start Caring for Yourself by Melody Beattie 5 days ago and I am already on page 42! This is huge because I have been ‘whining’ that I have not been able to sit down and read a paper back in 2 ½ years. I know my anxiety has been crazy out of control and that is my ‘excuse.’ I really can’t sit for stuff like paperbacks, or I couldn’t, I guess, hehe. I guess it really speaks to me. I had it sitting on my book shelf and had read it ten years ago but I forget what I read by now! I think I’m just ready to work a bit. Sometimes you have to be ready you know…I know I hold onto stuff and have all my life.
I told my homeopath/nutritionist Phil that I am tense 100% of the time except at the moment when I am actively engaged a relaxation exercise or something…Phil said this is not normal. But how do I let go? This am I tried tightening my upper arms/shoulders and then relaxing. I did that a bunch I times because I know this is supposed to help but I never really see any benefit to it…I do other things as well but I bounce back to anxiety so I better keep reading, lol…Also it is really important to try different things. Today I also turned on dance tunes and danced around trying to loosen up. Then I remembered that my cousin Tamara is visiting tomorrow and my place is a mess so I better clean – and then I started reading ‘the book’ again and now I’m blogging but this is my issue I don’t focus…but I’m working at it!
So if you are interested in knowing what a codependent is, here goes: a codependent is someone who works hard but feels they never have enough time for them! Codependents are often excessively preoccupied by the needs of others. If you are codependent you often feel happy only when the one you are close to etc feels happy. If they feel sad or angry you feel the same or are worried with stress! Codependents tend to act passive and feel oppressed so not heard. As a result they tend to carry around anger, rage and resentment while also being too afraid or guilt ridden to change their behaviour or the situation.
Since codependents love care-taking then tend to be drawn into helping professions or living with an ill spouse, child parent. They seem to thrive on this and want to stay in this set up or then feel their life is perhaps meaningless.
I started off working with babies and kids and then worked with the elderly. I loved it but it got to much when I started taking work home with me. That was 8 years ago. I haven’t been able to work since. I did some volunteer work which lasted four years but I chose to do light admin so that I didn’t have to worry about people or the responsibility that put on my shoulders. Unfortunately my stress came knocking, again via panic attacks and I realized I couldn’t handle leaving my house most days.
We need to remember who comes first! Before we can really help another we must help ourselves! Remember that scenario of when an airplane is about to crash who gets the oxygen over their face first, mom or child? It’s the mom. I know I got that question wrong at first as well but it makes sense doesn’t it? Mom has to save her child so she has to be well herself!
So life is a school. It’s a work in progress and I’m game! I have a ton to be grateful for and I don’t have to think hard to find it! Signing off with something cute I found on Facebook...