NOOOO Way - I Do Not Do Exposure Therapy!!!

So I tell my case-manager Jenn that I want her to stay with me when we shop in the superstore.

Superstores are ginormous and I have this fear of losing the person who I am with if I don't see them! I am totally able to enter a superstore on my own even though I feel nervous. If I am alone I have more control. I know I can then leave whenever I need to an not have to worry about anyone else.

I know Jenn has an issue shopping with me and maybe it's a thing case-managers do so that clients learn to shop by themselves. That's what I'm told however I'm not interested in learning how to navigate a grocery store on my own. I know how to shop, read labels and ask for help when needed. I am just currently a self-proclaimed unsafe driver who has no real bus access because I live in the country. Sounds like she is trying to do some form of exposure therapy - ick! My past psychiatrist actually gave up on me on that one, lol...

I did get all the way to the superstore before Jenn had this frightening conversation with me. I thought that any objection would be antagonistic so I simply asked that we forget about shopping for today...

In all fairness to Jenn, she agreed to shop along side for today only because I'm having a rough time. This was not good enough as who knows when I will be able to drive again. I don't get it though. Aren't I always having a rough time when I have to ask for help shopping. Um, this is what I was talking to Tori and Kate, my support staff from the group home about just last Friday. Kate the coordinator of the group home was concerned about me and told Tori, my outreach worker to call me. Tori told me to pass on her e-mail address to Jenn her and to get Jenn to write back an e-mail to touch base. Tori and Kate were so sincere in trying to advocate for me so that I could along side with Jenn...That is as oppose to shopping with Jenn in absentia....

Jenn was not able to get a hold of Tori, my outreach worker now because there is no contact for any staff directly at the group home apparently. The contact numbers are for the Anglican Diocese for donations because of the fire at the home Sunday night...

Anywhoo, Jenn and I went to check out the Bird Sanctuary instead. We also went for a walk in the forest. But now most of the trees have lost there leaves so it all looks for barren but it was a nice sunny day. I wasn't really in a talking mood but it's hard when you are driving and wandering around. I find I get distracted. I did have a good phone session with my therapist Haley this week though....I know I need to talk. I am holding in so much I feel like I am crying on the inside and I still have no motivation for stuff outside the home...

As far as the shopping issue I will be OK. I am having a hard time motivation myself to eat anyway but Kerri has offered to take me shopping. I wanna make it work out here in the boonies! I do love it. There is so much nature and trails even right outside our door. I am keeping the hope as always because I know I will get better...