That is correct! I have 3 garbage bags of Kerri's daughter Hope's old clothes that no longer fit her. The waist size looks like it will be OK but Hope is taller then I so some of the pants will need to be chopped off or tailored. No biggie there. I never actually shop for clothes. I people are always giving clothes away to me. Soooo nice! I don't like shopping or spending money and some clothes are quite pricey so ya know....
It will take me probably at least a couple of weeks to go through all the bags but she has tons of nice stuff!!!
I was so exhausted today. I did a 45 min yoga DVD this am after using my S.A.D lamp and then my step-dad Jim drove me to Westgate Mall to get Organic Greens. After that all I wanted to do was to continue vegging. I didn't want to do anything to begin with today but ya know...depression and anxiety is exhausting....
I did have a couple of angry periods. In the morning while all alone I was angry that I couldn't find one of my reusable shopping bags. I thought Kerri must of taken it. I didn't want to be angry when Kerri got home from her first shift of work so I took my calming remedy and was able to tell her calmly, 'I am missing one of the shopping bags,' she went out to her car and came bag and said, 'I'm missing one too,' lol so we have a shopping bag thief!!!! Well actually no one would want to steal a shopping bag so it turned out a bit funny...
I was grumpy when Kerri asked me to look though the garbage bags of clothes. I was looking at then thinking 'I need to lie down, this is going to over burn me out!' I suggested I do the clothes on the weekend when I had no expectations to get out like I do during the week. Well I kinda flipped out and demanded I do the clothes at another time...I should have asked, yes...oops! Kerri came up to me and said she didn't know how to help me. She smelled the lavender oil I had put on with the hopes I would calm down. I was crying at that point and wanted to feel better. I felt totally burnt out and I knew I just needed to crash for a bit. I really can't cope with anything these days...
I've already tentatively called in sick for my volunteer job tomorrow because I've been sick 3 weeks so it seems I'm not getting better anytime soon...I need to focus on getting help with food shopping and cooking from scratch. I need to rest and do self-care....
Things are fine though. I rested for Kerri's second shift and then when she got home we had a cuddle.
I really want to beat my grumpy-o-holismness. I don't to this day know why I get mad like I do. There are different reasons that I have brainstormed about this anger phenomena. One is my hydrocephalus. I have had 10 neurosurgery's and 3 other surgeries during my growing years. I had 4 surgeries that first year I was born and 4 the year I was 14. The others took place in between...
I had other traumas but the therapist I was seeing for 3 years ending last march kept asking about my surgeries. It's hard to go through all that especially for a kid and even for an infant who can't talk. Whatever the reason is that I get angry and have been angry every since I was born (according to my mom hence the surgery theory), I do want to get over my anger. I just want to be happy and free to be the me. I want to live and to be able to be a great partner and to be able to work and to come out from under my bed more often, lol!!!
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