Dental Cleanings Are Not The Worst Pain???

I do hate the dentist! Even though I have had nothing other then cleanings done at the dentist it does hurt HUGE!

When the dental hygienist was cleaning the tartar off my teeth I wanted to shout 'STOP!!!' so many times....and yet Kerri informs me that cleanings are not the worst pain you can have from a dentist. So yet again I am whining and complaining yet there are those so much worse off then myself....

I was thinking, as I was dead tired wandering to the bus stop for home after the dentist, that if something hugely distracting were to happen would I snap out of this depression? I was thing of something tragic likely because I was walking past the homeless shelter I lived in for over a year. Maybe if I had seen someone getting hurt would I then start to heal? I feel so selfish just having to deal with me being sick all the time. It's hard to think out of the box and see that pain is everywhere. Although sometimes I feel I absorb pain from every which way as it is. I feel so sad, depressed, hurt, and tired today and pretty much in general lately. I don't know how to get better. Where to get the strength?

I did get to my mental health drop-in today. Some light socializing did me good. Then I grabbed a computer and faced away from my friends - tuning everyone out. At one point, Mike, one of the staff who I have known for years, heard me on the phone. I was shaking and near tears talking to Kerri about yet another misunderstanding. Mike asked me If there was anything he could do to help. I said no but with an empty heart, knowing that there seems to be nothing anyone can do for me at this time. Also knowing these depressions always end and knowing that I will get back to some normalcy again for a period. Hopefully this period will be soon?

For now, since I am depressed, all I want to do is sleep or withdraw and not help myself. It's really a lose-lose situation for everyone. Kerri has to drive me around. I don't get out too much but there is emergency food shopping and appointments every week, ya know......