I'm tired. My eyes are red and poofy. I am a raw and open wound! Last night I wanted to say something on Facebook but not wanting my drama on Facebook I uploaded this song:
But I didn't leave an explanation. The song is about a relationship ending, seems like. The words go something like this It's all over and all that is left is the crying....I had been angry with Kerri. I felt like she didn't care...same saga, different day...ya know...anyway today we talked, again. We cried, again...things are looking up. Why would I spend to much time crying if I didn't deeply love this girl? I am sooo trying to speed heal before I lose her!
I was further cheered up during my monthly visit to see, Terrance, my Homeopath today. That is all I did today. I did have other plans but this is me. Cancel Queen! Terrance explained that the reason I was feeling so good initially this past month was because of the anxiety remedy he was giving me. But then eventually stuff comes out and that my reaction has been too strong so he is giving me a horse remedy to help bring me down!
Here is the horse remedy and the usual size dropper sized bottle beside it. The dropper goes on your tongue one drop per dose. This horse remedy will be taken with a tablespoon. It smells really gross too - Brandy, ick! The dropper bottles contain vodka.
Here is the horse remedy and the usual size dropper sized bottle beside it. The dropper goes on your tongue one drop per dose. This horse remedy will be taken with a tablespoon. It smells really gross too - Brandy, ick! The dropper bottles contain vodka.
So far I haven't reverted back to my alcoholic ways of the past. The remedies are diluted with alcohol for sanitary reasons or to preserve the water or something. I could just ask for water and remedy and it would work just the same homeopathically I think. I seem fine with the alcohol though. People around me, after I have taken my remedies, smell a brewery but only for a second. The remedy is still mostly water....
So I stopped crying after seeing Terrance. I had been crying since 6:45pm last evening and aside from a 5 1/2 hour sleep I was crying....not eating. Just full of feeling and tears. I walked away from seeing Terrance at 4pm today with renewed hope.
I didn't think Terrance could help me with the crying and anger spells of the past week. A couple of months back I ask Terrance if he would give me a remedy to give me energy and he sort of chuckled. I figured Homeopathy being as slooow as it seems to be would continue to help me in the long run but I felt that there was no hope for the present....well we shall see what this new horse remedy can do for me, hmmm...
Gosh I'm dramatic! Terrance has other clients that don't have all this stuff coming up. Me thinks I'm the abnormal but this is me....in future I want to find the real me that is hidden under all this secondary stuff Terrance was mentioning. I heard about secondary emotions in DBT. It's like when you are angry there is always a secondary emotion underneath like scared, jealous...
Wish me luck that I will feel peace tomorrow. I have just had 5 days of turmoil and I need a rest!
On the left you see Bobby the dog begging or sniffing a box of dates. I didn't know what he would do if I took the top off but this dog eats anything seems like....typical dog, lol...His owners should be back in the next couple of days but Bobby hasn't been too bad. He's pretty quiet and doesn't try to run up to Speckle anymore....awww peace in the family at last!
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