This morning I had a session with my therapist Haley. She was quite concerned about how depressed I was feeling. "I have never seen you this depressed before," she tells me. Haley wanted to know when was the last time I was 'this depressed.' I wasn't sure because I have been having problems with depression for my whole life and this just seems to be me!
I think today I am more subdued from the calming remedy my homeopath is giving me then totally depressed. Who knows though. At least I am finally getting something for anxiety enough though it kinda knocks me out and dulls my brain perhaps...when I see my homeopath, Terrance, in 3 weeks he will make an adjustment but for now I'm OK with just trudging along even while exhausted and not really able to do much. Sometimes I just need a break from my regular routine, I suppose.
My mood swings are less so that helps me deal with life. Maybe in future though I can learn to be assertive and ask for what I want without demanding as I sometimes do according to Kerri. I agree I am abrupt and demanding at times as I am so use to getting what I want when I want because I've been in the city and riding buses on my own for years. Not having the city bus here I am having to learn patience and flexibility with Kerri and Hope's schedule...
Today is Thanksgiving Monday here in Canada. I went out for lunch to one of Kerri's friends houses. There were a few other famillies there as well. I was pretty subdued even though there were 5 year olds running around screaming. I wasn't bothered in the least. I didn't engage them in anyway. They played with there friends and parents. But I am getting more comfy aroud kids. I use to be fearful to be around children because I thought I might harm them. I had these thoughts in my head telling me to do so. This is all part of my OCD and I hope it's gone now! I never acted on those thoughts I more feared them and felt the tremendous guilt....
I did wonder how Craig, the husband of the lady hosting the event could sleep upstairs while the kids were running both up and downstairs screaming. Craig works the night shift so is use to sleeping in the day. He later emerged looking sleeping so I guess he did sleep.
I don't think I could ever work another night shift! I remember 12 years ago I was in training as part of a Health Care Aide Course. While in training we had to work 3 nights back to back. This was required. During those 3 shifts I slept a total of 6 hours combined so like 2 hours per day for 3 days! I don't know how I had the strength back then to do all that because I was still having depressions (although in those days I was taking antidepressants before then started making me manic all the time).
Now I don't think I could work nights with sleepy meds at night. I did ask the psychiatrist I had way back and he said to just take half my meds during the shift and the other half of my night meds the next morning but when you shift from nights to days the way I would night not being able to sleep at night would that be a good idea? I suppose as long as you take em. Always ask your doc before fiddling though peeps all meds are different!
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