Today, I Shall Rest To Reclaim My Sanity And Hope For A Better Tomorrow....

Today I have decided that I need a time-out! I do have stuff I was suppose to do but I am unable to do anything do to my bipolar and self-esteem issues.

I am sooo sick of feeling that I am worthless; childlike and not good enough.

For the last 2 weeks and two days (ending yesterday), I had been feeling great so I went out and did things. Life didn't change. There was stuff upsetting me that whole time but I was sooo strong and able to let everything roll off my shoulders. I was not effected by negativity much at all.

Today I am just taking back what is mine - a certain level of control which I feel has been taken away from me.

I am resting. When have I had time to rest lately? I try so hard to do everything be everything to everyone. I don't always say the things I should or act the way I should but I am trying my best. If that's not enough (which it may well be not enough) it makes me very sad and now I feel the tears well up in my eyes because I have waaay to many feelings. I care sooo much it gets in the way of everything I do and say....How to stop the intensity of it all? How do I detach when I feel so trapped?

Hmmm....I will think about that today as I rest. I do have an appointment with my therapist in a couple of hours. I have told her I will do a phone appointment because I am in no shape to drive in to see her....Hopefully she can coach me to be a better person if need be or to accept the person that I am flaws and all...I am getting back to saying affirmations. I forget them sometimes...and I have been forgetting about Little Lisa for a bit...she is 5 and I'm suppose to bring her around with me and nurture her because she is in need of nurturing too!