Tuesday, September 29, 2009

In The Crash - Day Two....

I am still in 'the crash!' Sooo tired. My heart rate has felt elevated for most of today. I just took my heart rate and it is not just in my head. My heart is beating 104bpm and it's usually around 76! I know this is just anxiety. I've been resting for 2 days now but feeling stressed. I have to remember to breeeathe!

I am trying to get a 'me' day but Kerri doesn't understand. She arrived home from her first shift today there was no 'Hi Honey' from either of us. She asked me in what I felt was a rhetorical question 'Who left the garage door open, was it you?' When I went to answer she was repeating the question. I said that I brought the cat little waste and put it in the garage. I didn't realize the garage had opened again because it was closing when I had left it. Usually I wait to make sure but it was raining and I was out in my nightie...The only problem with leaving the garage door open is that Bobby the door sometimes runs loose around the neighbourhood and tears apart our food garbage bag that we will store their once full. Bobby is in our house so I wasn't even concerned. But I will be next time :-).

Then it was my turn to inform Kerri that Bobby (the dog) was eating the sandwich she or Hope had left in the kitchen. I had just taken my ear plugs out this am to hear Kerri leave when I heard the rustling. As tired and drugged up as I felt I got up to rescue the already chewed upon sandwich...this didn't help my day get off to a great start either...

I am trying to just lay low. To stay in my room. I can't really explain to Kerri why because that might just start another fight. I just want some space to rest. I'm sooo tired! What I might eventually want is a hug and a cuddle. That's all I've been craving for for the past few days...

My nerves are sooo bad. I take nothing for anxiety. The homeopathic remedies bring out all this stuff. I have been known to be the sickest towards the end of the month before I see him (in 2 days). I sometimes go crawling back to see Terrance, my Homeopath, wishing for more remedies and hoping the worst is over and I can figure out how to be zen for the first time ever and get on with life!

Anywhoo...here are Kerri and our cats. They quite like my bed, likely, because this is the only cosy room accessible to the cats where the dog is not allowed to go in...so it smells like cat and not dog! Sorry Bobby the dog! Thing is though, when I need to sleep or nap I have to squish between Bob the orange cat and Speckle the dark on to the right....and I do squish as I don't want the have to disturb the cats!

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