Wednesday, September 2, 2009

To Face Or Not To Face Your Fears....


Ever watch that movie The Gods Must Be Crazy?

That's right, the one with the African Tribe that sees a Coke bottle fall from the sky from what they think is a bird. It's not a true story but rather a comedy and I roar laughing every time I see it...The story goes that this African tribe had been peaceful and loving until this new and wonderful tool came into their lives. They found the bottle wonderful, at first. They could do their work much faster. But one problem. There was only one of it. So came the bickering and fighting and the injuries when kids would play with it and bonk each other in the head with it. It became such a frustration that the elder went and tossed it off a cleft (what he thought was the end of the world).

I keep thinking of this movie and the moral in how it relates to Kerri and I. When I was living w my folks and dating Kerri we use to fight but then I was feeling better and the fighting stopped. 2 weeks later I moved in. It was suppose to be only a 2 night stay but the move was frightening for both me and my cat Speckle and since we had intended to move in anyways in another 5 weeks we decided to try it out. And things were peaceful for 3 weeks at Kerri's. Then my folks, realizing that Kerri had to drive me around everywhere since we were in the country and she drove standard and I do not, they gave me a car. That's when I started feeling more stressed and Kerri and I started fighting again. Usually over me being fearful and refusing to drive and her trying to get me to do so.

Driving has been for years my worst fear. I had been thinking that Kerri could drive me on my worst days and she had been - until yesterday when she told me that she wasn't taking me to get my meds!!! This after a day I had spent 5 hours of mostly weeding but also tending to the 3 cats and emptying the dishwasher. I had a panic attack that morning after she ask if I could drive her somewhere so had to refuse after initially I agreed to. I may have seemed angry but I was panicking and I'm so sorry that my tone gets sharp or that I said 'Shut-up'. I notice Judged Judy says that same thing and I actually find her behaviour offensive but Kerri agrees with her methods....

If I walked to get my meds it would take me an hour. On a sprained knee that would be really unhealthy. Also walking, jogging, or biking along the 60 km stretch of road to get to the store is quite dangerous. People have been hit multiple times although usually on bicycles....So I have decided to try to have my meds delivered. I was up in the night and chatting to my Facebook buddies and one guy gets his meds delivered but not by my pharmacy. I forgot to ask him where and how much they charge but you can get free delivery but usually that's only certain ones like Dejardin. I would prefer one closer to home and to pick up my meds (which I have to get every other week by doccette) so that I could drive because if you get delivery you need to be home and you don't really know when they will come....

So, that obstacle over with. Luckily I have tons o friends on-line. It's hard when I am awake at night and my mind/ body is racing and I feel jumpy. Talking (and blogging) helps ground me. I am honest with the details. I just want to learn from my mistakes. I know sometimes I keep making the same mistakes over again but I am trying and learning...I was also telling my mom who helps out tons that I am much calmer and having less panic attacks then when I 1st moved into her basement apartment....so there is hope for me yet and hopefully Kerri and I can continue to mend our woes!

2 comments:

  1. Hi Lisa. I remember the movie. I saw it years ago. The leader was trying to give the bottle back to the god's by throwing it into the air but it, of course, kept coming back and hitting him in the head!
    Short answer to the question ... eventually it is best to face the fear. Try going around the block with the car if that is all you can do. Then try to go further. Print out a Google map if you are afraid of getting lost. Good luck!

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