Kerri and I are working on our relationship. We may go back to relationship counselling. This time time my therapist Haley has offered to help. Haley is an experienced couple's counsellor. She will not be biased towards me and she has a good grasp on mental health issues and this issues that are hurting our relationship.
Kerri did say 'no' she wouldn't take me to get my meds yesterday. I was extremely hurt. What I failed to understand is she was not actually saying 'no' because she wouldn't take me, she was saying 'no' lets just talk about our relationship as it was so messed up because we were both so angry. For me I am impatient. I had been worrying 'how do I get my meds' if we are fighting she won't take me and I was on the verge of a panic attack and knew I may not be better to drive myself. So that was it. Now I understand. My anxiety is getting in the way of a wonderful relationship with the women I love. But then, I already knew that...I wish that I could bring down the anxiety but the process is sooo slow! Fortunately I saw my family doctor yesterday (well, it was suppose to be my resident but it was another one instead, grrr) and she was nice. I was able to get her to send in a referral for their team psychiatrist. I'm not sure if that's just for a consult or for actual therapy.
I have been feeling extremely nervous after the doc's as I had a physical done and the attending physical had to be called in. The resident has found 2 cyst-like lumps in my right breast. Now I have to go for an ultrasound and have that dark cloud of fear hanging over me that I might have cancer. Breast cancer is on both sides of my family. It was an ominous moment when the attending asked me at what age did the youngest person in my family get breast cancer. I said it was about 40. The attending looks down at me and nods his head. I skip a breathe - I'm 35. I'm practically at the age my cousin got her breast cancer. This could be me!
Fortunately the 3 family members who have had breast cancer had caught it on time and not died. They may have lost breasts though and for a woman this is HUGE!
I have a whole ton of support around the breast cancer issue. I have a Facebook friend who was recently diagnosed. Meanwhile, I walk around near tears fighting the urge to throw up in fear and wondering what I should be feeling or thinking! I know I am loved and cared about and that this type of cancer is very treatable if caught early. I'm also aware cysts aren't a huge deal...So I need to work quadruply hard at healing myself now and I shall!
All I can say also is how important it is to get a physical done and let the doc do the tests needed (I know I am one to talk as I have been skillfully avoiding my doc, oops!). I would have never found those 2 cysts. They are impossible to find if you are not trained to do so but to feel your breast and note changes is very important because some people are able to feel differences over time and then bring them to their docs attention and save a breast/ life!
Stay safe!
No comments:
Post a Comment