Soothing Work....

I feel much better today. I have to blame my recent irritability and extreme anxiety on the new remedies that I was given last week from my Homeopath, Terrance. They seem to bring stuff out!!! They are suppose to though but it's hard during that detox period. I have been bitchy towards Kerri but she is so loving and understanding. I love her! I want to make it up to her by getting well soon!

I am regimented in ways i.e. wanting things a certain way. That's the OCD in me. I am working hard to be more flexible and relaxed but I also know that no matter what type of treatment I involve myself in, I will always have a bit of neurosis in me (me thinks). Kerri is the laid back partner in our relationship though and this helps me to calm down. I see that same dynamic in other relationships too and I even had the audacity of saying to Terrance 'You are so laid back, I bet your wife (also a homeopath) is the wiry one.' He said 'That is correct.' He said it just like that too straight face and serious as he was preparing my newest remedies. I am not afraid to ask questions, lol.

Something my therapist Haley taught me yesterday was an inner child exercise. For the next week or long, how ever long it takes I am to visualize myself as a five year old and hold her hand and let her follow me around. I am to comfort her and nurture her. I am to do this as long as it takes until that little girl inside me stops throwing temper tantrums...I am told this might take up to 6 weeks.

I do believe in the concept of inner child work. I use to be a cutter. I was in DBT for 2 1/2 years and I was still cutting at the end of it. Less so but still associating pain with self punishment. Then my next therapist, Ann, taught me how to love myself though self touch and loving affirmations. I remember saying affirmations such as I am better and better able to be kind and gentle towards myself and I can let myself feel comfort and calm. I have to say that after about 6 months of saying the affirmations usually when I was out and about; volunteering, or on the bus, I got extremely upset one day at home. I was all ready to cut my wrist but with those calming words programmed into my head I stopped myself. I thought how illogical it is to want to hurt myself when I am already hurting. If I am hurting I need to continue to soothe myself....and I don't think I've cut sense. I think that was about 2 years ago...