Adding Structure Is Key - Uh Oh, Work Ahead In Therapy, Shhhhh!

I had my second appointment with my therapist Cindy this morning.  I always get to near panic mode before a new therapist or case-manager type person in the beginning.  I know I will be telling my life story over again in the space of an hour and it does bring out some of the pain.  I'm also worried about someone else caring about me oddly enough.  Maybe I am just so use to protecting others, hum.

So, I was running around making relaxation tea, valerian and putting lavender oil under my nostrils.  I was still panicky though.  My relaxation herbs are very mild so what can you do?  It did help to chat with Cindy about what I was feeling though and so that maybe someday I can better control my anxiety like I was able to with my therapist Anne. 

I was telling Cindy that I really want to get to the underlying issue of what is causing my fear/ panic/anxiety.  I told her that a couple of years back I did yoga nearly everyday (except for like 2) for eleven months and was still getting anxiety and depression (although less).  I don't want to get into another boot camp regiment while still have mental health issues that are severe enough to hurt me,   NOOOO I don't!

Cindy gave me homework.  I am to do 5 minutes of exercise (running in the spot or dancing to fast tunes - likely all alone in my bedroom as this is embarrassing) and 10 minutes of meditation.   She also told me to write a 3 day food plan because I need to eat on a regular basis and I have trouble figuring out what to eat even though I am hungry. 

I'm not sure about the food plan bit.  I like to eat what I want when I want but Cindy says that I need to do mechanical eating.   Mechanical eating is eating food even though you don't feel like eating.  Yuck!  That's like forcing me to go to my volunteer job or shopping even though I'm wrecked with anxiety or depression!  NOOOOOO, meh! 

I told Cindy I would start with the daily meditation and exercise.  It's a start :-D.

I think I will be out snow shovelling again at some point as it has been snowing yesterday and today again (this counts as exercise :-D).  The cats are not amused about the snow.  Well, Spock our semi-adopted cat likes it but he has been outside for who knows how long.  He just showed up one day in the summer and has never left so we take him and quarantine him to the cat room until we get him dewormed and all fixed. 

Kerri is taking Spock to the vet on the 17th.  Our other cats don't seem to mind him so much now that he comes in the house on occasion.  I hope Bobby the dog will behave himself in February if we decide to keep Spock.  Bobby the dog use to go bananas whenever he saw Spock at the window....