The Dog Comes Over Today!!!!

Today is the day that Bobby comes...he's a dog...here he is with Kerri in the picture on the right.

Ummm, dog's are Speckle's worst fears! I do hope she won't run away. I had wanted to keep her in the house when he was here but then Kerri and I are going to couple's counselling with my therapist Haley today so we can't very well let her stay couped up upstairs with only a baby gate blocking him. He has been known to knock over the gate!

I am hopeful that Haley can assist Kerri and I in our relationship. We have been happy all weekend and I only got a bit agitated and impatient once or twice. I am sooo wanting to be with Kerri for a long long time. Hopefully forever. I love her sooo much!

It is going to be another beautiful sunny day today and so I'm hoping for a good one!

Pets And Engevita Yeast...

I did it! I drove on the Queensway today (Ottawa's intercity highway)!

I have driven on the Queensway before but in the last year I have been so scared of driving especially on the Queensway that I would get nervous because of the on-ramp. There you have a herd of cars coming at you at 100 km an hour and you have to merge in front of them before your lane may quickly end! Luckily I have a long on-ramp going on near home and coming back there were no cars in the merge lane (phew!). Kerri was with me. I had at first told her that I wanted to drive with her today but not on the highway. It would have been at least a half hour ride away if we didn't take that highway. She had that look of 'You are NOT going the slow way are you?', lol. I quickly decided that since I promised to try the highway out on Sunday when their was less traffic, then today was my day to do so!

Since we did take the Queensway it took us only about half that time to go to the Herb & Spice on Wellington. That is the only place or location in Ottawa that I can find the cat's Engevita Yeast! (****not anymore - see update at bottom) If you tell the cashier at Herb & Spice you are buying Engevita Yeast for your cat (or dog) they are clueless but curious as to why. I buy it because it is used to keep the fleas away (fleas had the new taste of the animals dander apparently) and it also makes cats and dogs hypoallergenic! The latter I have tested on 2 people with cat allergies and it seems to work like a charm!


Engevita Yeast (or engivita yeast which is identical) tastes like cheesy popcorn or something. It is just B Vitamins and completely safe for cats/ dogs although I can't find any literature to back up my claims (my past therapist's hubby did the research and it's basically word of mouth as far as I can tell).

All you need to do is sprinkle it on the dog or cat's food 2x a day. You can sprinkle it on hard or soft food. Our cats had only hard food. Some pets like it and some don't. I'm not sure that Bob and Tate like it but Speckle loves it! She'll lick it off your fingers, lol. Regardless I have never had a cat refuse it...

Also, it does not work as well on long haired cats as far as people having allergies to a cat but it works better then it did before we tried it in my experience....

If not all the cats/ dogs in the household are eating it then people who do have allergies will still get a reaction even from only one of the multiple pets as the dander will be everywhere.

For people with cat allergies, Engivita Yeast works best on short haired cats (from testing it myself and chatting on people who are allergic) although it still works better then no Engivita Yeast on long haired cats too....

 Also I think if someone is allergic then having a cat or dog that you are allergic too is not wise even if using the yeast. The reason being is that what if you go on holidays and your pet sitter does not use it then what do you do, come home and get rid of the pet???? My past pet sitter was afraid to use the yeast for fear Speckle would expand but Engevita yeast is not Brewer's Yeast, lol. It's inactive yeast and she is only a 9 pound cat who has been using it for 2 years!

There is another yeast more widely available called Nutritional Yeast. Nutritional Yeast has the same ingredients as Engevita Yeast and if you ask for Engevita Yeast they may hand you Nutritional Yeast. My 'source' has told me that these products are completely different due to the way they are processed. So Nutritional Yeast does not help with fleas or allergies.

Also, some vets have heard of the benefits of Engevita Yeast for animals, while others look at you with a blank look on their face...

I would like to see if our cats are still causing allergy problems for our house visitors (anyone with cat allergies) in about a month. In one month Bob and Tate will have hopefully eaten enough of the yeast to make an impact as it takes 6-8 weeks before you can really tell if it's working....Speckle is waaaay ahead :-P.

******UPDATE - I cannot find Engivita yeast in Ottawa so only get it at Amazon.ca with Everland

Sometimes It's Just Worth Pushing Yourself To Do It!

Kerri and I didn't actually sign the lease yesterday. Our landlords had another trick up their sleeves and it sent both of us into major stress land. I decided to invite my step-dad Jim with us when we do end up signing the lease on Tuesday. Jim is coming thank-fully. Thanks Jim! Both Kerri and I are really nervous about signing a lease. We have not totally worked out the wrinkles in our relationship but we always do in the end and usually both end up in tears because we sooo love each other and want this to work!

Today I woke up in tears telling Kerri I wasn't going with her on her Organic Farm adventure. It was to be an all day trip about an hour away from Ottawa in the Province of Quebec. I ended up pulling myself together with the help of breakfast; Lavender Oil and Valerian. We had a great day.

At first we were driving along the Queensway and saw this beautiful array of air balloons above. It was soo cool! There is always so much going on it Ottawa we didn't even know there was a festival! Hard to keep track, lol...

Here is a close-up of the bumble bee balloon on the left!

...and a real bumble bee on the right!
Kerri is great at finding bugs and stuff...she actually saw a cricket in the grass while walking around. I couldn't see a thing but maybe she was joking (remember the Snuffalophagus from Sesame Street or the Polkaroo from Polka Dot Door?).

I did however get a great shot of this toad in Kerri's hands. We were warned not to touch the toad for long as our sweat glands are toxic to toads! I hope we didn't injure the little guy!

I was glad I was allowed go on this adventure! The bus was all filled but at the last minute one of the girls called in sick! Kerri and I thought it was a great deal as we didn't have to pay gas or anything. There was free produce and homemade apple crisp. It was a beautiful day!

Lease Day - Yikes!!!

I'm sooo nervous today. Today is the day I sign a year long lease to live with Kerri. I have never had to sign a year long lease but apparently this is the norm nowadays...Now we both have to trust in each other to pay off. We are in this together. I still don't really understand how this stuff goes but I called my support line who employs knowledgeable social workers, for advice this morning at like 6:50am. That's right another money issue came up between Kerri and I and I needed advice FAST!

The advice I got was that 1. I should be paying the landlord and not my girlfriend who is also on the lease. I need to make sure that if anything happens like this morning I am not responsible to pay the full amount of rent even if Kerri tells me she will pay me back...

2. I am suppose to get the receipt from the landlord. I had thought that we were going to get a joint receipt and photocopy it so I don't know if we get separate receipts like that...

I decided I really need to ask my parents who are also my trustees (and my step-dad is a landlord who is well knowledgeable of what is suppose to happen today).

I am concerned that money and other issues keep coming up. Kerri and I keep getting our issues sorted and then new things keep coming up...how long does this part of the relationship last? I feel that Kerri blames me for all of our problems but I know that that is far from true. I was pretty clear about what I could and could not do before I even came live with her...I do love her and want to work stuff out together though, yes I do (as I daydream about nail biting and hairpulling...).

I want to show you this kewl picture of a Grasshopper I took yesterday! We have a lot more bugs out here in the country then I ever saw in the city! Kerri begs to differ though but me thinks I am correct, lol...

Annual Physicals Save Lives!

Kerri and I are working on our relationship. We may go back to relationship counselling. This time time my therapist Haley has offered to help. Haley is an experienced couple's counsellor. She will not be biased towards me and she has a good grasp on mental health issues and this issues that are hurting our relationship.

Kerri did say 'no' she wouldn't take me to get my meds yesterday. I was extremely hurt. What I failed to understand is she was not actually saying 'no' because she wouldn't take me, she was saying 'no' lets just talk about our relationship as it was so messed up because we were both so angry. For me I am impatient. I had been worrying 'how do I get my meds' if we are fighting she won't take me and I was on the verge of a panic attack and knew I may not be better to drive myself. So that was it. Now I understand. My anxiety is getting in the way of a wonderful relationship with the women I love. But then, I already knew that...I wish that I could bring down the anxiety but the process is sooo slow! Fortunately I saw my family doctor yesterday (well, it was suppose to be my resident but it was another one instead, grrr) and she was nice. I was able to get her to send in a referral for their team psychiatrist. I'm not sure if that's just for a consult or for actual therapy.

I have been feeling extremely nervous after the doc's as I had a physical done and the attending physical had to be called in. The resident has found 2 cyst-like lumps in my right breast. Now I have to go for an ultrasound and have that dark cloud of fear hanging over me that I might have cancer. Breast cancer is on both sides of my family. It was an ominous moment when the attending asked me at what age did the youngest person in my family get breast cancer. I said it was about 40. The attending looks down at me and nods his head. I skip a breathe - I'm 35. I'm practically at the age my cousin got her breast cancer. This could be me!

Fortunately the 3 family members who have had breast cancer had caught it on time and not died. They may have lost breasts though and for a woman this is HUGE!

I have a whole ton of support around the breast cancer issue. I have a Facebook friend who was recently diagnosed. Meanwhile, I walk around near tears fighting the urge to throw up in fear and wondering what I should be feeling or thinking! I know I am loved and cared about and that this type of cancer is very treatable if caught early. I'm also aware cysts aren't a huge deal...So I need to work quadruply hard at healing myself now and I shall!

All I can say also is how important it is to get a physical done and let the doc do the tests needed (I know I am one to talk as I have been skillfully avoiding my doc, oops!). I would have never found those 2 cysts. They are impossible to find if you are not trained to do so but to feel your breast and note changes is very important because some people are able to feel differences over time and then bring them to their docs attention and save a breast/ life!

Stay safe!

To Face Or Not To Face Your Fears....

Ever watch that movie The Gods Must Be Crazy?

That's right, the one with the African Tribe that sees a Coke bottle fall from the sky from what they think is a bird. It's not a true story but rather a comedy and I roar laughing every time I see it...The story goes that this African tribe had been peaceful and loving until this new and wonderful tool came into their lives. They found the bottle wonderful, at first. They could do their work much faster. But one problem. There was only one of it. So came the bickering and fighting and the injuries when kids would play with it and bonk each other in the head with it. It became such a frustration that the elder went and tossed it off a cleft (what he thought was the end of the world).

I keep thinking of this movie and the moral in how it relates to Kerri and I. When I was living w my folks and dating Kerri we use to fight but then I was feeling better and the fighting stopped. 2 weeks later I moved in. It was suppose to be only a 2 night stay but the move was frightening for both me and my cat Speckle and since we had intended to move in anyways in another 5 weeks we decided to try it out. And things were peaceful for 3 weeks at Kerri's. Then my folks, realizing that Kerri had to drive me around everywhere since we were in the country and she drove standard and I do not, they gave me a car. That's when I started feeling more stressed and Kerri and I started fighting again. Usually over me being fearful and refusing to drive and her trying to get me to do so.

Driving has been for years my worst fear. I had been thinking that Kerri could drive me on my worst days and she had been - until yesterday when she told me that she wasn't taking me to get my meds!!! This after a day I had spent 5 hours of mostly weeding but also tending to the 3 cats and emptying the dishwasher. I had a panic attack that morning after she ask if I could drive her somewhere so had to refuse after initially I agreed to. I may have seemed angry but I was panicking and I'm so sorry that my tone gets sharp or that I said 'Shut-up'. I notice Judged Judy says that same thing and I actually find her behaviour offensive but Kerri agrees with her methods....

If I walked to get my meds it would take me an hour. On a sprained knee that would be really unhealthy. Also walking, jogging, or biking along the 60 km stretch of road to get to the store is quite dangerous. People have been hit multiple times although usually on bicycles....So I have decided to try to have my meds delivered. I was up in the night and chatting to my Facebook buddies and one guy gets his meds delivered but not by my pharmacy. I forgot to ask him where and how much they charge but you can get free delivery but usually that's only certain ones like Dejardin. I would prefer one closer to home and to pick up my meds (which I have to get every other week by doccette) so that I could drive because if you get delivery you need to be home and you don't really know when they will come....

So, that obstacle over with. Luckily I have tons o friends on-line. It's hard when I am awake at night and my mind/ body is racing and I feel jumpy. Talking (and blogging) helps ground me. I am honest with the details. I just want to learn from my mistakes. I know sometimes I keep making the same mistakes over again but I am trying and learning...I was also telling my mom who helps out tons that I am much calmer and having less panic attacks then when I 1st moved into her basement apartment....so there is hope for me yet and hopefully Kerri and I can continue to mend our woes!

September 1st - The Reccommended Day To Begin Using The S.A.D Lamp!

September 1st is the recommended day to start using S.A.D lamps!

Here on the right, is a picture of the lamp I use....

The S.A.D Lamp is suppose to mimic the Ultra Violet Rays and give extra light to people who are affected by the winter months and the lessening of light. You don't need to have a 'label' such as Seasonal Affective Disorder to get a S.A.D Lamp even from a Doctor...I don't have that 'label'.

I started using my lamp last year around Christmas time. I didn't notice it did much for me but I'm trying again. Other people notice it helps a lot so we shall see! I get it for free by prescription from my family doc. If I paid out of pocket for this particular light (and their are many companies and even sunglasses) it would have cost me $200 not including taxes.

After you get a prescription then you need to get an estimate. That part is a bit tricky I think. My Case-Manager Jenn handles that for me. It takes about 6 weeks until you get it approved and you can pick it up. That explains why I got it so late last season as Jenn saw me getting very depressed and we started the process in the fall.

The recommended time to sit under the S.A.D Lamp is 20-30 minutes per day. They recommend early in the day like before noon as it can stimulate you if you wait until later like a cup of coffee...I haven't noticed that but who knows...It is suppose to help with anxiety some too.

And yes you are suppose to actually sit at a table or have the light shining down on one side or over you. There is instructions with it though...

And finally, my cats ever amuse me with their cuteness. Last evening I came across a cute picture of Tate and Speckle....Tate started licking Speckles head and then Speckle started licking Tate's front paws...awww. They continued for at least a minute so it was a legitimate bath! And to remember that the pet store where we bought Speckle said to not mix Speckle with any other cat under the same roof! Things don't always turn out as expected....