'Learning' My Rights: It's OK To Stand Up For Myself...

My homeopath Phil tells me to ‘stop depending on the remedies’ and to try to work on myself. What he means here is that I should stand up for myself. I recently had a lady called Casey (not her real name) try to follow me on twitter after I had her blocked. She simply changed her twitter name and made a new account. At the same time I had 2 strange calls one day after another where no one said anything and the call was not traceable. I only picked up the line thinking it might be my worker Jenn as she does not identify her calls from her cell.

I was petrified that this Casey, a lady from my ‘dark’ past was not able to respect me enough and over rid my saying no.  Another friend of mine from the past told her to stop calling her line looking for me millions of times when I had blocked my phone number for 4 years…this whole ‘Where’s Lisa’ game has been going on for 6 years, well, maybe more. I did end up calling the cops by the way. I haven’t pressed charges because I am not really afraid of her I just want her to go away. There is more of course but I’m so tired of this fear stuff I feel.

I did for a few days protect my tweets so that only my followers on twitter and those I choose to come follow me can read my tweets. After chatting with Phil though and him realizing how I love to reach out and mingle on-line. I love the feed back I get and the people who tell me I have helped them in some way...So, it was suggested that I not protect my tweets.  This made me smile. Of course I can protect them if I want some day but for now anyone of you can read them. But I know who is following me. And, if Casey tries to follow me or in anyway contact me in such a fashion that I know about I who I can press charges because I have told her not too! I know I do have some control over my life. I just have to remember this...

I have never had anyone else in my life that has harassed me like this for more then 3 days or so after I said to buzz off. She seems to want me as a friend, again, but an obsessed friend????? This lady has caused me so much hurt both during our friendship and after I said to stop contacting me...its unbelievable but I need to find my voice and I hope I can and will so that I don't feel so much fear...

Tomorrow I have a phone appointment with Cindy, my therapist. We will defiantly have to work on this…maybe a roll play or a preparation for a role play. Sometimes when people get upset with me or do things I don’t like I just freeze. Jenn says this might be also because of my reduced speed of processing, an issue I have had all my life. I know that as a kid in school I had to work for hours to memorize stuff. I had to work harder then most kids. I can work at this though. I can learn! I have yet to see or hear from the Occupational therapist because my doctor hasn’t yet sent in the referral Jenn and I gave him back in September. It’s January! Grrr…or maybe this is good thing. I can work very slowly at my own pace to either go out or not. I just have to hope that life is easy and that there will always be an endless quantity of great shows on TV and lovely people on Facebook and Twitter, tee hee…

 Well, in case you non-Ottawa, Canada, folk are all wondering about our snow situation here is what we got a few days ago:

And tomorrow we are expecting more snow i.e. 10-15 cm's worth!...So glad my step-dad has a snow blower....

You Know You Live In The Country When Your Girlfriend Comes In With Deer Antlers, lol...

You know you live in the country when your girlfriend walks out the front door and comes back in with deer antlers!

Yep,  the antlers were shed by some deer on our property.  Speckle, of course, had to give them a good sniff over.  Our other cats didn't seem bothered but you see Speckle had never seen these before because she is a city cat!  I mean, we got her at when she was 1 1/2 half, but ya know...

So, I have been feeling happy for the past couple of days.  My anxiety is still over the roof so I'm still suffering in that sense but I'm reaching out on-line and meeting others with Agoraphobia and some have worked with an Occupational Therapist to try to heal but as my case-manager Jenn says you can slip back into Agoraphobia and to being housebound.  I'm hoping my homeopathic remedies and therapy can help get to the underlying issue of what is causing my fear so that I can have more fun in life and not just fun in my house being silly...

I did manage to go out shopping today.  Kerri took me to get my own mattress and box spring as the Tate must have chewed or punctured the air mattress I have been using (and the one before it).  I will have it on the 20th of December (my brother's birthday).  Until then I will be OK.  There is still air in the mattress I am using but I may have to keep blowing it up every night, damn cat!

Kerri and I also went for food shopping and I stocked up on whatever I could.  The roads were baaaad because we were in the midst of a 5 cm snowfall but Kerri didn't seem to mind the occasional slip/ slide.  She told me it was fun.  I know if that happened to me my anxiety would be awful.  Kerri drives for a living though and has been driving daily for years. 

I learned something new today.  Red chili peppers are waaaay hotter then green ones.  I put one on my tongue all cut up an hour ago and my lips are still burning. I just put it in my mouth.  No biting.  It was wild.  I'm not sure how I'm supposed to eat them and I love hot food!

But on a serious note, I was scared out in the car even just as a passenger.  I know this is probably because I was not occupying myself.  I noticed I was breathing very shallow.  My breath seemed to go up and down my neck and not at all into my chest or tummy.  This is not good but it's the typical way I breathe outside these days or sometimes even in the house.  I just have to do what I can do to get out and shop or if need be get Kerri to shop for me.  Kerri and I were suppose to go out tonight to a Christmas party to an organization I belong to but I cancelled because of anxiety.  I guess that doesn't surprise anyone...

So I do the things I need to do and not all of the things I want.  Will my agoraphobia end soon? I just take it day by day.  What else can I do?  I am happy though these last couple of days.  Oh, and I saw a Rudolph Car.  It was a car with antlers coming up from the driver/ passenger doors and then on the front of the car was a red nose.   Nothing surprises me, lol!

'Sicko' Has Shocked Me....

Yesterday evening Kerri and I were watching Sicko, Michael Moore movie, for the first time.  We both loved it but it was a really sad movie! 

Michael Moore is a documentary film producer.   Have seen other movies of his but this one was probably the most shocking.  I don't get why people are not talking about this film more!  All of Michael Moore's create huge controversy.  Sicko documents the medical practices he see's in the USA where he is a citizen.  It focuses on the American health care system and how insurance companies are leaving people to die just so the doctors can make more money. 

I know people complain about the Canadian health care system because of our long wait lists but I know friends in the states, particularly 2 of them, who have tried to get into programs for eating disorders.  These friends have health issues because of their illness but after being in treatment 2 weeks they are told that there insurance company will not longer pay for them or that they are no longer sick! 

Here in Canada you can be hospitalized up to a year in an eating disorder hospital and then go into intensive outpatient therapy.  We don't turn away our patients or charge them a fee. 

Unfortunately the wait times for us maybe about a year for an inpatient eating disorder program; a year and a half for a psychiatrist; a year for a family doctor and up to 8 hours in the ER unless you are in danger of dying.  There are many more wait times in Canada that seem harsh....

Michael Moore was particularly showing us how in America you have to pay for health insurance but in many other countries around the world including Canada, England, France, and Cuba, health care is paid for by the tax payers and therefore free. 

Hilary Clinton was a big advocate for universal health care in the states but after 10 years of planning, this idea was thrown out by congress.  Sad. 

I do think change is hard though.  Would Americans be willing to pay more in taxes so that they could get universal health care?  I have heard arguments that they do not want to pay for everyone else's health care but only there own.  Sad but understandable since they will have to deal with getting a pay cut and have less money coming in.  Isn't the happiest country in the world in Scandinavia where healthcare and even University is free?  They don't get much to take home every month but there is also much less to worry about.

We all want more and more. When we get more we spend more so for any one of us to get less money coming in what would we do????

I have an Uncle who has lived his entire live in the states and worked as a doctor.  He is now retired.  Likely he gets much more then our doctors in Canada.  I never hear anything negative about the states or their medical system from him.  My mom, his sister has tried to explain it to me but he doesn't believe there is any issue in the states.  Is there?  You tell me?

I'm now, of course, following Michael Moore on Twitter, tee hee. He has lots to say! Big surprise :-O.

And finally, I took this creepy picture last evening in our front yard.  Kerri finds it beautiful. I think it would have been a good Halloween shot, lol...

On An "O Blood Type Diet" I Can Eat Almost Anything If I Modify Everything, lol

Mmmm, thanks Kerri! Dinner was great!

My girlfriend Kerri cooked me up some Shepard's Pie tonight.

As you can see by the picture it doesn't look like the traditional Shepard's Pie that is made with meat potatoes and corn.

I follow the O Blood Type Diet so I eat organic beef, sweet potatoes and soy beans instead. I am not allowed having potatoes and corn....

Basically on an O Blood Type Diet I can eat the same thing as everyone else but with modifications usually meaning I have to cook everything myself, from scratch...

My Shepard's Pie meal tasted sweet thanks to the sweet potatoes. As you can see you can cook them up and mash them the same way as using regular potatoes....I also make sweet potato fries in the oven and season them with chili powder quite a bit.

Yesterday on my shopping extravaganza I got some organic Olive Oil. We tried it out for the first time today even though I noticed when I got it home that it was 'spicy organic olive oil'. I hadn't a clue there was such a thing as spicy, lol...I was just looking for the cheapest kind. Organic food is pricey enough as it is...

So I found a 500ml bottle for $12. This is pretty pricey but Costco actually has a good price on their organic Olive Oil. They have been known to sell it for cheaper then there non organic Olive Oil! Unfortunately they were out of organic last time Kerri was there (she has a membership luckily because you can get great deals!).

I was glad to eat although eating has been an issue for me lately. I have just been feeling so lazy and doped up lately. Kerri was glad to see me eat. She does take really good care of me, lol...Thanks honey!
I took this picture as the sun was setting over the fields across the road from our house today. We are blessed with beautiful sunsets. This is one of many....
Here is a picture of the farm across from us right next to the field. Sometimes when the wind is blowing in a certain direction we can smell the aroma of hay and manure outside in our yard...a little gross but it's all good. I would rather the smell of a farm then some of those gross factory smells...ewwwww!

Cobwebs Or Caterpillar Cocoons?

This morning Kerri called me outside to show me this scene on the right. One of our Evergreen Trees had what looked to be cobwebs all over it. Well, not sure if they are cobwebs from spiders or caterpillar cocoons. What do you think?

We do have a lot of fuzzy caterpillars about. These web/ cocoons were visible this morning because of the fog and the dew about....

The good news is that I feel better today, yay!!! My new calming remedy has brought me down and I am tired! Not depressed but calm and a bit tired! I took the day off because of the fatigue but I am hoping to be out and about soon. I to go food shopping and cook!!!!

This won't be the last of the emotional storms that I will go through. My hope is that one day I will beat my mental health issues and not have these crash days anymore!

Kerri and I have gotten into the show Newlywed and Nearly Dead. Here is the link:

http://www.slice.ca/Shows/ShowsPage.aspx?title_id=105443

My case-manager, Jenn, told me about the show due to the fact that Kerri and I were having so many relationship conflicts. So, today, Kerri and I were watching taped episodes and perhaps not feeling so alone that we are the only ones with relationship issues. Kerri wonders why these couples on the show didn't deal with their issues before they got married. Hmmm, well maybe they never tried living together?

Kerri and I fought before we moved in though so I dunno. We do what we do for love and it doesn't always make sense to everyone else, lol...

Kerri and I are have been doing relationship counselling on/off since the 1st month of dating though so I don't think we will even end up on that show...we both want to make this work and we are both so in love with each other, awww!