Christmas Is A Sad Time Too...But Things Get Better...

Christmas is especially hard for me this year because I am not living with Kerri, my ex/bff who I lived with for the last 2 years and really miss. She lives in BC now. We will talk on the phone as we do everyday and those chats make me laugh and smile every time. Kerri is sad as well to be away from friends and family here so hopefully we will both be able to make the best of it. Kerri got in the Christmas spirit long ago and had her Christmas tree up at the end of November.

I feel that I’m stronger in a way this year. I don’t feel depressed but rather sad. I know the shrink I used to have used to try to get me to distinguish between depressed and sad. Sometimes it feels like they are both the same emotion.

I have big hopes that by next Christmas I will be attending numerous holiday parties and some are non alcoholic so that is a plus for me. I have bought a bus pass for January and I am really excited to at least vicariously go out and enjoy life. The thing I most want to do is go back to my mental health drop-in for their drop-in support groups. I want to meet people where I can chat and feel safe and secure because for people with post traumatic stress disorder it is hard to feel safe in the world.

As it is holiday time and more people are celebrating I find it really hard to read people’s tweets on drinking. I want to drink too! I have upset one or two people, I think, who I have been chatting with and then I later stop following them  because I feel jealousy and anger because I so don’t want to feel the anxiety and pain that life causes me so it really is not about them. 

I have been sober almost 6 ½ years because drugs and alcohol took over my life for 5 years. In the end I had a heart arrhythmia and elevated liver enzymes and probably a death wish. A year after I quit the docs said my heart and liver were functioning normally and I am so glad that I caught it soon enough for my body to heal. I do believe my life  IS getting better!

For the past year or more I have been telling everyone I want to live to be over 100. They just look at me funny, hehe. But I want to heal and then have the rest of my life to be amazing! Anywhoo I do feel hopeful because I will be starting a new therapy called ‘Bowen Therapy’ in February. This is suppose to help with body alignment for physical and mental ills and it is similar to the Feldenkrais Method which I tried a few years ago and I found it to be extremely helpful. During tough times it is OK to dream. Whatever it takes to help your body and spirit get stronger right? 

 Anywhoo, here is a cute video for all cat lovers on Oskar the blind kitten. He is very 'helpful' and here he is trying to help with the Christmas tree :-P.

I wish you all a wonderful Christmas or whatever you are celebrating this season. Remember if you are sad that things do get better as I believe they will for me and it's OK to dream, smile and laugh :-).

Animals Do Have Feelings, Oh Yeah!!!!

For all you animal lovers I have 2 cute You-Tube videos to show you! I belong to a forum on Facebook called Animal Stories and they have the cutest videos and stories....

This 1st video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cBtFTF2ii7U&feature=player_embedded is about the relationship between an adult elephant and a dog. I had heard stories of elephants being actually very gentle, caring and sensitive creatures but see for yourselves. Don't approach an elephant just because this one is tame though, lol....

I saw elephants close hand when I was in Africa in July 2008. I have to say that of all the animals we saw on Safari and we saw many, the elephants scared me the most. They got really close to our vehicle and I knew if they wanted to, they could kill us...Our guide told us to be very quiet so not to startle them...

Here is a pic I took of an Elephant in Kruger Park, South Africa. The animals are not fenced in but they are plentiful in the 35 000km park because there is plenty of food and other animals for prey.

We were around elephants quite a bit in open roofed vehicles. It was great to be able to stand up to take pictures without glass or a screen in the way....

Here is another animal video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KWgB1hyOHWc&feature=player_embedded . This video is of a Hippo who moves in with a family of humans by choice!

Hippo's are generally dangerous to humans so don't try this at home either. I think this family knew what they were doing when they took him in as this was not their first wild animal 'pet'....

It is so true that animals are sensitive beings. I know that my first cat Candi had to deal with the death of her sister Muffy who she saw dying and could not save her. Candi was 2 years old.

Immediately following Muffy's death Candi developed depression and starting overeating. She was in perfect health before. Candi also developed kidney problems and became blind and deaf and I wondered if some of this was stress related as well as genetic. But, I loved her until she died at 14.

I wondered if my taking drug over-doses and cutting my self in the home and later going into the shelter system added greater stress to her life. I do feel bad since she was my 'daughter' and I know animals have feelings like we do....

Speckle is highly sensitive too. When I raise my voice in anger and she is in the house she runs to me and meows, tries to climb up me or if I am sitting down she pats my shoulders until I stop. This behaviour is highly unusual for Speckle but it sometimes actually helps me by making me laugh.

My homeopath, Terrance, told me to feed one of my remedies to Speckle because he tells me that she picks up on my energy and so when he gives me this constitutional remedy to balance me out (the remedy of phosphorous - if that makes any sense to someone not doing Homeopathy) then it can help my cat too. And it seems to calm Speckle. She is not as sassy or territorial as she use to be...She also seems much less agitated when she doesn't get her way :-D.

Now that I have Speckle, I want so very much for her to live a long and healthy life, awwwww.